Chapter 10
“The van will be here to pick us up at nine,” Luke said the following morning, coming back into the cabana with their coffee. Moving the mosquito netting aside, he sat on the edge of the bed. Jo stuck the pillows behind her head and scooted up enough to sip her coffee.
“I’ve been thinking about how I have to leave in a few days,” Jo said. “I’m sad and overwhelmed. I never expected this to happen.” She was staring down at her hands holding the cup of coffee. “Never expected you, that is. I guess part of me thought I’d go through the rest of life by myself, and I’m okay with that. I like myself enough. But now everything is different. Now I’m really excited about having someone to make a home with, and I don’t want to lose that, Luke. I don’t want to lose you.” She looked up at Luke, and he could tell she was holding back tears.
“I know, baby. I don’t want to lose you either. This last week’s been a blur—and not all fun, with your parasites and my dental work.”
“And my pussy problem,” Jo said, shaking her head. “I really thought you might run after the first night, but you stuck around.” She smiled and took his hand.
“We’ve made it through a lot in a short time,” Luke said. “And you’re almost taking all of me now, at least from behind. We just need a little more practice.” He grinned and was already starting to stiffen from the thought.
“This has been really intense for me, Luke.” She squeezed his hand. “I’ve never experienced anything like it with anyone else. It’s been like a dream. I dropped everything in my life as soon as you came into it, and that’s not like me. I’m always on top of things, especially when it comes to keeping my friendships healthy. But don’t tell that to any of them now.”
“You’ve really helped me with my work,” Luke said. “I’ve got a clearer idea of what it is I’m trying to do, not that I have any clue how to do it yet. But being able to talk this stuff out has helped me see through the clutter. Thanks for being patient.”
“Never been one of my better qualities,” Jo said, her voice quiet. “And you’ve given me some of my hope back for the world. Two weeks ago I’d have told you we were doomed and you were a fool. But now I’m not so sure.”
“I’m more confident now about putting these ideas out there,” Luke said. “Because of you, Jo. They’re radical, but they have substance.” Academics might not think too much of them, Luke thought, but then they’re not who I’m trying to reach. “So I’ll probably write one of those nonfiction books for the informed public. See if I can get these ideas into fresh minds. But then I think about having to lead this movement, and that’s when I get scared. I don’t want attention at this point in my life.” Hell, Luke thought, I’d go anonymous if I didn’t need the PhD for credibility.
“Yeah, but remember, this isn’t about you,” Jo said, uneasy with Luke’s plan for his writing but putting it aside for the moment. “For now your part is to just get these ideas out there, nothing more. To get the discussion started.” Of course, she was afraid the mainstream would think he was nuts, and if his ideas gained support, the government would try to discredit him as a conspiracy theorist. Hell, he might be at some level, Jo thought, but that happened with anyone who shared new ideas or who went against the status quo.
“And like you said,” she went on, “there’s a new generation coming into play every day. Those people are reallypissed off about what’s happened to their world—they’re looking for ways to change things. And nothing out there, nothing at all, comes across as powerful as your idea of humanity claiming global sovereignty. That’s a new idea for most of us. It’s huge, and somehow it will eventually happen.” Although it might not be in our lifetimes, she thought.
“All I’m doing is extending Boétie’s and Tolstoy’s ideas to the world system,” Luke said. “What they saw possible at the national level, I think we can now take global.” Just like we can do with the methods that Sharp and others have developed for strategic nonviolent conflict over the last four or five decades, he thought. “And by the way, I didn’t come up with the idea that humanity has ultimate sovereignty over the planet. That came out in the Urantia revelation, published back in 1955, along with the idea that beyond the realization of oneness is the acceptance of our own uniqueness. So these concepts are not new; it’s just time to bring them together.”
“Right,” Jo said. “So your job’s to put all of these ideas down on paper. But from that point forward, everything will take on a life of its own. You won’t be able to control the process, and you probably wouldn’t want to.” This idea is too big, she thought, too complex. “This is going to take collaboration between a lot of people across a lot disciplines and cultures and different ways of life for it to work. And that’s okay. Just having a part in bringing this idea forth is a great honor. I mean, you’re participating in transforming the world, helping to bring about the biggest change to the global system the planet has ever seen. Luke, that’s fucking amazing!”
“Yeah, I guess so. You’re what’s amazing to me, Jo.”
“So what are we going to do about this, baby?” Jo asked. “I don’t want it to end, Luke.” She felt her eyes tearing up as she looked at him.
“I know,” Luke said. “I don’t want it to end either. I’ve fallen for you, Jo, and hard. There’s too much that seems to be coming together with us. It’s kind of like the universe is screaming at me, ‘You asked for it, we set it up, now don’t you fuck it up!’ But I’m not sure what I want anymore.” He knew he was thinking too much and not feeling enough. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m wanting it all, you and the option to keep looking until I am sure,” Luke said, sensing he had just hurt her.
“You’re going to meet a lot of beautiful women when I’m gone,” Jo said, looking away from him. “And they’re going to think you’re as wonderful as I do. Part of me is wondering if we should just end this when I leave.” She looked back at him and saw the shock on his face. “I mean, fuck, Luke, I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t want to be hurt either. And you don’t seem too sure I’m the person you want to be with.”
“But I’m thinking the same thing too, Jo. Hell, all I’ve got is a butt load of debt. I can’t compete with the type of guys you’re used to, or at least with their money.”
“I don’t give a fucking damn about someone having more money than you!” She gave him a hard, hurt look.
“I don’t know,” Luke said. “It feels like everything is up in the air. It’s almost like I want us to part and go through the pain just to be sure we do want to come back together. But that feels a bit self–abusive too.”
“So it sounds like we just let it all hang after I leave, and we see what happens. Is that what you’re thinking?” Jo asked, staring at the wall. What was it going to take for this guy to realize she was in love with him? That she was already sure and that she had no desire to be with anyone else? she wondered.
“I don’t know what else we can do,” Luke said. “I think you’re the most amazing and beautiful and wonderful person to ever come into my life. And I really can’t see anyone else changing that.” Luke knew it meant little to her at this point. And if that was the case, then why wasn’t he committing to her now, or asking for a commitment from her? What was holding him back? Was he being honest with her or just leaving himself a way out? He was unsure of the answer.
End Chapter 10.
Bob
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